I'm sure many of you are tuning in (or logging on) today expecting me to rip into Brett Favre for coming back to play again in the NFL. Well I'm afraid that you will be disappointed--because I am actually making Brett Favre my new hero. In fact, I am going to live my life just like Number Four--because obviously it is the best life anyone can imagine.
That is why I am announcing that I am retiring from WOSH. The fire to get up at 3:00 in the morning and come in to work just isn't there anymore. I've given all that I can give to Oshkosh radio and there's nothing left for me to prove.
Of course, I would be willing to come back to work tomorrow--for a competing radio station if the bosses there will let me come in late (about 8:45 would be nice). I'd also like someone else to do all my newsgathering and writing as well so there is no need to really prepare for the day. In fact, just throw out the scripts--I'll just make things up as I go along--that is why people have loved me for so long. I don't care what's in the playbook--I'm a gunslinger baby--I make my own rules now.
I really don't care that my job has been promised to other people after my retirement. I'm Jonathan Krause--I've got awards on my wall--that automatically proves I'm better than any of those slubs.
Oh and by the way, if you ask me if I'm coming back to work at the station I am going to tell you a bald-faced lie--even though management and I have the deal all worked out. You don't need to know the truth about what I'm doing.
I hope my new co-workers don't plan on talking to me or expect me to take part in corporate team-building activities. I've been around long enough in this business to know what I am doing. Just do enough to make me look good. I'll take all the credit when things go great--but you will be thrown under the bus for not wanting it enough when things go bad.
I also want my own private office, my own jet and when we do have to travel, I get my own room at a better hotel than where everyone else is staying, thank you.
You know, I think I am really going to like living like my new hero--Brett Favre. Now if I could just find someone to pay me 12-million dollars a year to sabotage their company and shatter their hopes and dreams.........