Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Wednesday 10-22

I may choose to go to the Fond du Lac City Council meeting tonight to voice opposition to the workplace smoking ban. That is if I finish up painting the nursery with some lead-based paint I found in the basement and chose to use instead of safe latex paint they make you buy at the store now. I think I'll also choose to drive to Fond du Lac in my Dad's 1965 Corvette Sting Ray--that runs on that leaded gasoline they won't let you buy at the pump anymore.

On the way there, I think I will choose to drive at 125-miles an hour--and I will choose to do so while traveling right down the middle of the road. And if anyone gets in my way--I will choose to pass them on the shoulder. You don't like it? Hey, there are plenty of other streets you can drive you know.

I'm probably going to be hungry, so I will choose to stop at a Bar and Grill to get something to eat. Since it's getting a little chilly at night, I will choose to park in those blue handicapped parking spots right next to the front door. To wet my whistle, I will choose some moonshine brewed in a still out behind the bar. I'd hate to have to pay extra taxes on my liquor. Maybe I'll get my order from a bartender who chose not to get a license from the city. And I hope he'll choose to serve me a glass that wasn't washed after it was used by the last customer.

To eat, I'll choose an order of Buffalo wings that the cook chooses not to cook to a proper temperature--who needs to worry about salmonella? And I hope the manager just dumps that used deep fry oil down the drain--and not into a grease trap. I also hope the kitchen staff chooses to let the Bleu Cheese dressing sit out on the counter for several hours before putting it in the little cup. Then I will choose to have pork chops for my entree--but extra rare--in fact cold in the middle. Trichinosis? What's that?

After supper, I'll choose to head over to the Council meeting. To save time, I'll chose to drive in a straight line--right through other people's yards.

Once at the City Council chambers, I'll choose to cut in front of everyone else waiting in line to speak to the Council. In my speech I'll choose to use profanity and maybe make a few personal threats aginst the councilmembers if they don't see things my way. And if anyone else speaks in favor of the smoking ban--I'll choose to punch them in the mouth. If you don't want to get punched in the mouth, then don't go the Council meeting.

When the cops come to haul me away, I will choose to remain silent. It's my right you know.


  1. Jonathan, that is one of the cleverest arguments against the "it's my right" horse manure that nicotine addicts use to justify poisoning everyone around them with their filthy habit. But then, you can't expect rationality from a drug addict when you threaten to take his drug away.

  2. John. Turning liberal, are we?

    Johnathan wants government intervention. Mark this on the calendar. Johnathan Krause, that great bastian of conservatism.


  3. "it's my right" to smoke if I wish;

    "it's the drunk's right" to drink if he/she wants to;
    You don't like GO ELSEWHERE! It's a big world!

    We don't need government to tell us how to run the business.

  4. It's a public health issue. Just as Jonathan has so cleverly illustrated in his satire, the laws that exist are protection again things that can be dangerous.

    Smoking is a public health issue. If you want to smoke, do it in your own house. I shouldn't have to choose where I want to eat because you want to create a hazardous environment.

  5. No, no reason we should have government telling businessmen they have to pay minimum wage. And if I want to store toxic waste behind my shop, and flush oil and grease into the stream out back, that's my right dammit! I'm a business owner and I can do ANYTHING I want as long as it generates a profit! Why the hell should I provide toilets for the help? Let 'em go out in the alley! Why should I make 'em wash their hands! Do you know what soap costs??? What dyou think this is, Russia??? If I want to beat up customers who don't pay, THAT'S MY RIGHT!

    One of the few things government should do is protect people from bullies, thugs, and drug addicts. You want to kill yourself sucking smoke into your lungs, fine, do it at home. It is WRONG to do it in a public place. To me, smoking in public is like crapping on the floor -- filthy, disgusting, and a threat to public health. You have NO right to poison me!

  6. Smoking is a public health issue???
    only if you can't THINK for your self.

    Drinking is a public health issue
    sooo let's just close down all the bars.
    People you have a choice; THINK for themselves and make your own decisions!
    Every time you ask the government to take care of you taxes/salaries increase. Officials can't enforce the laws on the books now; so let's just give them more things to enforce because you can't think for yourself...