Friday, July 22, 2011

A Page Out Of the Old Playbook

In football, nothing is more important that the Playbook.  It's the first thing you get from a team when you sign a contract--and you must return it to the coaches on the day that you get cut.  That's why I think it's time for the NFL Players Association and Packers players to take a page from the playbook of their Wisconsin union brethren.

NFLPA Executive Director DeMaurice Smith and Packers player representative Mark Tauscher should have been outside the boardroom where the owners took that "cowardly" vote on a new collective bargaining agreement that included language not approved by the players shouting "YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!!" as the owners filed out yesterday.

The Packers players should set up a "Goodell-ville" at Lambeau Field--pitching tents on the Frozen Tundra itself--forcing team executives to walk a gauntlet of threats, picket signs and chants of "SHAME, SHAME, SHAME".  Pro-union banners should be hung over the names in the Ring of Honor--while players and college students form drum-circles in the Atrium and sing songs about how "we shall overcome." 

The Brewers' team physician should put Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder on the disabled list with fake "injuries" so they could join in the protest.  Yes, it would hurt their team--but remember: this is all about the fans.

The NFLPA should start running TV ads featuring "St Vince" and "The Packalope" looking forlornly into the camera telling Mark Murphy how he has "failed them" by voting to pay players three percent less while raising ticket prices by ten percent--and by taking millions of dollars from out-of-state companies like Fleet Farm and Miller-Coors.

MSNBC hostess Rachel Maddow can have tears in her eyes while interviewing JerMichael Finley as he talks about how the reduction in shared revenues will mean less money for him to feed his seven children by six different mothers.  Keith Olbermann can do an "expose"on how Fox TV's Rupert Murdoch is orchestrating the entire lockout to destroy the Middle Class.

A huge pro-union rally should be held outside Lambeau with Michael Moore telling the assembled mob that if the rich Republicans in the luxury boxes would just pay 400 percent more for their tickets, everybody else would be able to get in for free.  And Jesse Jackson could pontificate about how the lockout is meant to keep the Black players poor.

Packers fans could set up demonstrations outside the homes of  those on the Packers Board of Directors.  Petitions should be circulated to recall directors who supported the CBA--replacing them with candidates who support giving 90-percent of all league revenues to the players.

Obviously the time has come to "stand with these hard working Wisconsin families"--who are being treated so unfairly by their rich, evil bosses.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Now What, NASA?

Now that Atlantis has ended the final Space Shuttle mission, we are left to wonder: Now what?  For the first time in my lifetime, we have nothing to look forward to when it comes to space exploration.

I have never been a fan of the Shuttle program.  It always seemed like just a "placeholder" kind of exercise.  Low-Earth Orbit missions have been done since the Mercury program back in the early 1960's.  And Mercury and Gemini were the building blocks upon which the Apollo moon missions were built.  Docking practice, spacewalks and vehicle maneuvers weren't glorious--but at least you felt like it was getting us closer to a major goal.  The Shuttle going to the International Space Station to drop off supplies and pick up astronauts--where was that getting us.

I knew things were going to be tough for NASA when President Bush announced the goal of returning to the Moon as a stepping stone to manned missions to Mars--and that was met with silence, ignorance or in some circles--derision.  I'm sure that if President Obama had announced such a goal while running for election in 2008 the masses would have been orgasmic--immediately setting to work on their "Yes We Can Go To Mars" posters and bumper stickers.  But President Obama would never say anything like that--because he is not about the US being better than any other country in world.

When you think about it, the space program has always been a symbol of the strength of the United States.  It wasn't Nigeria or India or even Great Britain that was sending men into space--because their governments and economies weren't nearly as successful as ours.  Yes, the Soviet Union had the early lead on us--but their space program came at the expense of their economy--not as a building block for it.  Once Americans decided we were going to be the first to the Moon--the Russians had no chance to beat us.

But now, we don't have that kind of desire to be the best.  Yes, it is "incredibly expensive"--NASA takes up about one-half of one cent of every Federal Tax dollar you and I pay--but what other government function inspires you the way space travel does?  Maybe having high-speed internet service for every American captures your imagination, or watching everyone walk into a hospital to have taxpayer-funded procedures brings a tear to your eye.  Perhaps today's little kids grow up dreaming of driving high-speed trains between Chicago and Minneapolis the way I yearned to rocket into space.

The Chinese say they will put men on the Moon by the end of this decade (sound like a familiar promise?) and they want to be first to Mars.  I know that Neil Armstrong took that first lunar step "for Mankind"--but he still planted an American flag up there.  And I want the Stars and Stripes to always be that first flag--where ever man takes that first step.  It's part of what makes America truly great.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

When the Media Is the Story

I was surprised by how much time Fox News Channel devoted to its owner Rupert Murdoch's testimony before a committee of Parliament yesterday.  Fox News has been downplaying the importance of the phone hacking scandal that brought down the News of the World tabloid--and has made almost no mention of the accusations that NewsCorp reporters may have hacked the voice mail accounts of 9-11 victims here in the US--trying to retrieve messages left by those on the doomed planes or the Twin Towers.

More than likely, the wall-to-wall coverage of the Murdoch testimony (including a countdown clock on the NBC networks) forced Fox's hand--fail to show it and you look like total shills.  I'll be honest--it's the first time I can ever remember US networks devoting commercial-free time to Parliament committee meetings.  Not even testimony on the Princess Diana car crash and investigation into "conspiracies" warranted the "breaking news" banner at the bottom of the screen.  But when you can embarrass your competitors--especially the top-rated network--you take every opportunity you can.

Of course, the folks in the Fox newsroom had to be ecstatic when the Soupy Sales wannabee crashed the hearing and tried to throw a shaving cream pie in Murdoch's face.  No longer would the anchors and analysts have to come up with explanations for their bosses either knowing or not knowing about illegal activity--now they could focus exclusively on the "attack" and Murdoch's "brave efforts to continue his testimony".  Meanwhile, the folks at MSNBC were bemoaning the attack--as their anchors worried on-camera if the "shaving cream incident" would make Murdoch into a "sympathetic figure".

In a way, I feel for the serious reporters (and there are some) at Fox News.  You know they are getting direction from the top to ignore the phone-hacking story--to stay focused almost exclusively on the lack of a debt ceiling deal (or the whereabout of Casey Anthony)--and hope something else comes along soon that will distract the competition. 

I had to deal with the same situation here a couple of years ago when a co-worker got himself arrested in the Washington DC area.  There were directives from corporate officials to do NO STORIES on the arrest, court proceedings or sentencing of that employee.  When I balked at that, the response from the corporate suits was "we don't cover all the news stories."  That incident actually played a part in my decision to take a "sabbatical" from radio news last year to pursue "other opportunities".

Hopefully, this phone hacking controversy won't cost us Fox News Channel.  I like having clear deliniations in political slants in our national news coverage.  When I need a good laugh, I can turn on MSNBC and watch Rachel Maddow try to defend the indefensibly poor economic policies of the Obama Administration.  And when I feel the need for a good scare, I watch the blonde anchorettes on Fox try to explain the lunacy of Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin.

It may not always be "fair"coverage--but taken all together it does get "balanced" out.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

When Life Hands You Lemons.............

Appleton police shutting down a lemonade stand last weekend has certainly received plenty of exposure the past few days.  Many have been quick to blame the officers involved, some cranky neighbors who probably complained or the folks at City Hall for coming up with such an "unfair" ordinance.

Believe it or not, I'm going to support those who put this law into place.  It's easy to say shutting down a lemonade stand is unfair--but would you say the same if it was a bake sale?  What about the woman who sets a few of her Pampered Chef items out for sale along the same sidewalk?  How about the guy who does woodcarving--can he sell his items out there? 

As I mentioned on the air yesterday in a conversation about this with Bob, the obvious target of this ordinance is not kids--but rather the beaded jewelry lady, the stinky hippie guy with his hemp products stand and the guy who sells the unlicensed Badgers and Packers t-shirts at every event that might bring in more than 100-people.  City officials likely grew tired of every street looking like a Turkish Bazaar--plus, vendors on the event grounds themselves were paying to be there--while the interlopers nearby were setting up for free.

Apparently, the city of Milwaukee doesn't have such an ordinance--or they don't care to enforce it.  The street my wife and I walked down to get to Summerfest last week was blocked off to traffic--and the vendors were taking full advantage.  You had at least a dozen people selling bottled water (likely purchased at Sam's Club for 18-cents each) for a buck a bottle.  There was a guy with a white tuxedo jacket and white running pants selling his "famous" designer sunglasses.  There was a hot dog vendor, a tamale stand, a group of "bucket drummers" and several "singer-songwriters" playing out of tune guitars and sounding like the "reject" candidates for American Idol.  It just made it feel kind of "slummy", you know?

Is it unfortunate that little girls get caught up in efforts to crackdown on shady vendors?  Yes.  But you know that if we make an exception for one--all will want the same treatement.  Isn't that what "equal protection under the law" means?  I think that if we are going to have a law on the books, let's enforce it evenhandedly--no matter how "cute" those involved may be.

Monday, July 18, 2011

All Tatted Up

I went to the Pollock Community Water Park for the first time ever as a customer on Sunday.  I felt a bit naked out there.  Not because it was the first time I was going around without a shirt on in public for about two years (not a lot of shirtless golf courses--and I'm not a big fan of going topless at EAA)--but rather because I don't have any tattoos.

I would be willing to bet that at least 80-percent of the adults in the waterpark had at least one tattoo.  The majority had more than one--and at least ten percent looked like walking, swimming billboards.  I was feeling like a minority having skin that has not yet been touched by the tattoo needle.

I'm all for personal expression, but I will never understand why people want to mar themselves--permanently--with body art.  Most of the tats I saw yesterday, you couldn't even tell what they were.  Is that a dragon on that guys arm--or is it an angry eagle?  Is that an exploding sun on the woman's upper back--or a blooming flower?  Is that a child's name or an item on a french restaurant's menu?  One guy had a spider web tattooed around his kneecap.  Just what is that supposed to represent?

And like it or not, people still look down on those who are all inked up.  What do you think when a waitress hands you your food in a restaurant and she's got four tattoos on her arm?  Or how about the guy in front of you in line at the bank with something written on the back of his neck?  Do you think "Wow, what a beautiful expression of art--and he gets to take that with him everywhere he goes"?  And let's just say that when the "canvas" gets a little flabby and wrinkly--the designs don't get anymore beautiful.

If the body is a temple--apparently some people think it looks better covered in graffiti.

Friday, July 15, 2011


You talk about some disturbing news the past couple of days.

It appears that we have the next Ed Gein or Jeffrey Dahmer living on the northside of Oshkosh.  That would be the person who set a cat on fire Monday in the area around Hazel Street.  Research into the criminally demented find that many started out torturing animals before turning their efforts to humans.  Of course, those claiming to be more "humane" than the animal abusers are already flooding the comment sections of our Facebook page and those of the local TV stations with the "we should set whoever did this on fire as well to teach them a lesson."

And then you have the arrest of 48 people allegedly involved in a heroin and cocaine ring in Oshkosh.  It's scary to think that we need to have that many drug dealers in one city to meet the demand for hardcore drugs.  Even more disturbing is the amount of money that was taken in by these people.

Think about it, $4.5 Million was spent on something that destroys our community and provides ZERO positive influence.  And I'm guessing a large percentage of that cash actually came from those of us not involved in the drug trade.  Many of these people had prior convictions for petty theft--stealing from others in the city to pay for the drugs they used themselves.  And I'm guessing that those using heroin, cocaine and crack aren't members of "Hardworking Wisconsin Families".  These are the people who are selling their Foodshares cards on Facebook and Craigslist.  These are the chronically unemployed or underemployed--because who really wants to have a heroin addict on their staff?  There were fathers and mothers arrested this week--probably with kids on Badgercare and who are getting free and reduced lunches at school.  Yet their parents somehow found $4.5 Million dollars to shoot into their veins, to snort up their noses or smoke through a pipe.  Kind of gives new perspective to the term "the most vulnerable in our community".

And perhaps most disturbing of all, there is a group of another 48 people eager and willing to fill in for the four dozen currently sitting in the Winnebago County Jail.  Special Agent Brad Dunlap said himself at the press conference on Wednesday that the people involved in the drug trade do not fear going to jail or prison--given the lucrative nature of their "business".  While you are building up your "outrage" today for the "cat burner" why not work some up for the pothead, the cokehead and the junkie who are really destroying our community.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Puppet Masters

Sometimes I look at the balance in my checking account and wonder why I put so much into my retirement accounts every pay period.  As a good disciple of the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover plan, my wife and I put 15% of our gross income into our 401k and Roth IRA accounts every month.  So that means less for groceries, less for movie night, less for clothes at Kohl's.  It's very tempting to consider lowering the amount we put away--or to even stop saving for retirement "for awhile" just to free up more cash for "today".

And then we have moments like the one that occurred this week--and the number one reason why we are sacrificing in the "here and now" becomes all too clear.  I'm talking about President Obama's claim that Social Security checks "may not be written" next month, if Republicans don't accept tax increases as part of a deal to raise the nation's debt ceiling.

I'm actually surprised that the President waited this long to raise the debt crisis level to DEFCON 5 by playing the "no Social Security" card.  I thought he might go with the "Soldiers won't get paid" angle first--but like the kids in "A Christmas Story", the President has decided to go right for the "Triple Dog Dare Ya".

I really feel sorry for the people who have been made to depend upon the Government for so much.  They are like puppets on strings--dependent upon the self-serving actions of competing political ambitons in Washington, Madison and even their own City Hall.  And every day, some of those politicians want to add more and more puppets to the strings.  Maybe they get some kind of power trip out of that.  "You will have nothing if you don't vote for me!"  Or maybe they really believe that giant bureaucracies really can take care of people better than they can take care of themselves.

Either way, I refuse to be one of those puppets.  And that's why my family is taking the steps necessary to have Financial Freedom farther down the line.  "Social Security won't be there for me when I retire"...I'm already planning for that.  "They wants to end Medicare as we know it!!"--I'm planning for that as well.  Try to scare me all you want, Mr. President--it isn't going to work.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Thank You, Ron Paul

I'm disappointed to hear that Texas Congressman Ron Paul will be retiring from the House.  Paul announced on Tuesday that his run for President next year will be his final go-round in politics.  Since the late 1970's, Paul was the lone voice in the wilderness warning about deficit spending and overextended social programs.  If anyone should be doing the "superior dance" and yelling "I told you so!!" as Washington and nearly all 50 states grapple with out-of-control spending it should be Ron Paul.

I wish that I had stocked up on the "Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Ron Paul" bumper stickers back in 2009.  Remember that 2008 Presidential campaign--as every candidate in the race talked about how much more money they wanted to spend on everything under the sun--especially on health care coverage for everyone in the country legally or illegally?  Ron Paul sat there with a look of disbelief on his face, pointing to the then-$9-Trillion dollar deficit (remember those "good old days" of such a small deficit?) and said "We cannot afford more government spending"--but nobody wanted to hear that at the time.

Now, everyone is talking about how we "must" reduce government spending.  Even the guy who added another $5-Trillion to the deficit in just three years.  It's hard not to wonder what would have happened if the underdog Paul had caught fire in the early primaries and somehow rode that momentum into the White House like the Anti-Ron Paul did in 2008.

I'm sure Ron's "out there" beliefs on some issues turned off a lot of voters over the years.  Doing away with the Federal Reserve and returning the dollar to the Gold Standard are a bit too extreme.  Reducing the US Military to a "homeland defense" force is implausible.  And Paul's Libertarian stances on many social issues--like legalizing drugs so they can be regulated and taxed and his "who cares" attitude toward gay marriage--alienates too many hardcore Republicans to gain real traction in the GOP.

Ron has no chance to win the White House next year.  As I said, more marketable candidates have raced past him--stealing his message of "fiscal responsibility" (and outside of former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty--they don't exactly have a track record of living up to that demand).  So Congressman Paul's voice of fiscal sanity will be lost after January of 2013.  Will someone else pick up the flag and continue the charge?  Paul Ryan is trying--but it is obviously a very difficult row to hoe.  Telling people Santa Claus isn't coming down the chimney anymore isn't a very popular stance to take--no matter how realistic it is.  So thanks for the effort, Ron Paul.  We're going to miss you.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Since the Polls Will Be Open Anyway....

Rather than rail against the incredible waste of money the recall elections are this year--and I don't mean just the "fake Democrat" primaries today--I mean the entire process, since no one facing recall broke any laws (some neglected their duties as elected officicals) so there is no real basis to remove them from office--and not just the elections but all of the legal expenses paid by both parties and the State itself in the endless challenges to the recalls, the petition and the counting of the petitions--I thought I would focus on the positive for today.

I like voting.  I appreciate the right I've been given and I enjoy "making my voice heard" in the place where it counts the most.  I firmly believe that those who don't exercise that right forfeit their ability to complain about the way things are going.  And for obvious reasons, I appreciate anyone willing to go through the election process. 

I'm especially going to enjoy showing my photo identification today--letting everyone know that I am the person entitled to cast that ballot.  Sure, this time around it's just for show--but it will still feel good.  Maybe I'll be a little extra loud in my response: "I WOULD LOVE TO SHOW YOU MY PHOTO IDENTIFICATION!!"

I wonder how Omro School District officials feel about the recall being added to what was going to be an "off-date" referendum election.  I'm sure they thought they would be able to "slip in" this issue in the middle of summer and break their three-election losing streak.  Now all of a sudden, they find themselves with far more residents heading to the polls than first assumed.  Usually, heavier turnout is bad news for school referenda--but aren't all of the people heading to the polls today "angry" about cuts to education and want taxes to be raised to maintain the status quo?  If that is really the case, this should be a cakewalk for that extra million dollars in Omro.

So, regardless about how you feel about today's "unneccessary" election, I encourage you to still take a few minutes to head to the polls and cast a ballot.  I can tell you two members of a Wisconsin Working Family will be voting today--and we aren't angry.

Monday, July 11, 2011

And Now...The Rest Of The Story

You may have heard that Oshkosh's "favorite" panhandler was arrested early Friday morning.  I thought you might like to know how that happened.

As I pulled into work around 3:15 Friday morning I spotted what appeared to be a large pile of garbage next to the driveway to our studio building.  At first, I thought someone from WalMart Nation had decided to use the sidewalk as their personal dumping grounds.  But as I turned in to our parking lot, I noticed that two legs were sticking out of the pile.

When I got up to our studios, a co-worker was already here and I asked him if he had noticed the pile of garbage at the end of our driveway.  He stated that he had--but he had not noticed the legs sticking out.  That led to a conversation as to whether that might be the "Beggar Woman" who has made the WalMart driveways her new "workplace" (refusing to move aside for bikers and pedestrians I might add).

A few minutes later, the co-worker poked his head in the Newsroom and asked for the non-emergency phone number for the Oshkosh Police Department--as he thought someone should check on the person in the garbage pile just to make sure they are okay.  Now, I think that says a lot about the quality of life and the quality of people living here in Oshkosh--as the sight of a person lying in a pile of garbage bags still raises some concern about that their well-being--and is not just considered "part of the landscape".

Anyway, the cops come and it turns out the Professional Panhandler had her 19 and 17-year old sons sleeping with her on the sidewalk.  As one of them is a minor, Child Protective Services were called in and apparently she lost it and was arrested for disorderly conduct and child neglect.

For some of you, this will only add to your sympathy for a woman who chooses to avoid holding a job and who appears to relish her public exposure.  Others will continue to tolerate her personal choices--but will rightly question why she exposes her minor dependent to such a lifestyle.  That is a debate for another day I guess.  I just thought you might like to know "the rest of the story" on her arrest last week.

Friday, July 8, 2011

The Silver Lining

Since the major news networks won't let this go....

I think I may have found the silver lining in this Casey Anthony case.  I believe the verdict that the collective mob can't understand should build up the public opposition needed to make sure the Obama Administration doesn't try terror suspects in civilian court.

I would hope that all this rage and disbelief remains top-of-mind when the President or Attorney General Eric Holder "assure" the people that affording the rights of American cititzens to foreign enemy combatants poses no risk to our safety.  Think about how shocked you were Tuesday when Holder talks about how "air tight" the Government's case will be against the terrorists.  Recall the animosity you feel for the Anthony jury the next time President Obama claims having civilian juries try war criminals makes us so "enlightened".

Imagine what it would be like if a "confused" jury allowed a 9/11 conspirator responsible for the deaths of nearly 3000 American to go free--not a woman accused of killing just one child.  Picture one of Al Queda's Most Wanted grinning and laughing with his attorneys while awaiting sentencing on a misdemeanor charge that was the only count the jury was able to bring a conviction.  How many people do you think would be outside the courthouse chanting and holding their placards if a Taliban fighter who killed US Soldiers with roadside bombs was allowed to walk out a free man?

If you want to "honor" the life of Calee Anthony, than use the acquittal of her alleged killer to make sure that enemy combatants and international terrorists are tried in the dispassionate setting of Military Tribunals--preferably outside the US borders--like the secure facility at Guantanamo Bay.  Believe me, it's a whole hell of a lot more important than the Casey Anthony case.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Too Many Events City?

Let me thank Lee Engleman at Kodiak Jacks for stepping up and providing food sponsorship for the EAA Mayor's Breakfast again this year.  Both Bob and I welcome the opportunity to broadcast live from the event every year.  Honestly, anything is better than sitting in the dark at the Federal Pavilion--by ourselves--doing the Morning News Focus.  Throw in some free food and we'll gladly come out there every year.

But during our discussions yesterday about the possibility of no Mayor's Breakfast, I admitted that I would be okay if there wasn't such an event every year.  I may be a traditionalist--but if it becomes such an incredible struggle to put on a Breakfast, or a concert series or something along those lines, I am also willing to let it go.  Better to end a "tradition" than to have it deteriorate to something that no longer becomes special--or just embarrasses those who are involved.

You could say that "my generation" is partly to blame for the decline in "community events" in recent years.  We fill our own schedules--and those of our kids--so tightly nowadays that giving up a week, a weekend or even a day is difficult.  We'll go to an event for a couple of hours--but to give up an entire day to serve as a volunteer--we'll have to get back to you that one.

Actually, many of our "community events" are large-scale, for-profit extravaganzas.  Look at the explosion in popularity of Country USA, Summerfest and now Rock USA.  I imagine it doesn't hurt that beer sales are incredibly strong at many of those events as well.

I'll be interested to see what the future of EAA Airventure holds.  When you look at the volunteers who really make that event work are getting rather gray and long in the tooth.  Fewer younger people are getting into private aviation--meaning that passion that sustains the 7-day Fly-In will be on the decline as well.  Remember when Oshkosh was a ten-day run?  How long until that dwindles down to just five days--or a long weekend?

If it means retaining a quality event, sometimes shorter or less is better.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Sorry About That

So Casey Anthony is found "not guilty" of killing her daughter.  Her attorney, of course, comes out after the verdict and tells the media that they owe his client an apology "for trying her in the court of public opinion".  I agree with her attorney that an apology from the media is needed--but it should be issued to the American People--for foisting this story of limited local interest upon us like it was the abduction of the Lindbergh Baby.

To make it easier for my "big brothers" at the national networks, I've already completed the apology letter for them:

Dear Americans,

We here at CNN Headline News, Fox News Channel, MSNBC, ABC and CBS would like to apologize for subjecting you to round-the-clock coverage of the Casey Anthony case.  Try as we might, our editorial judgement continues to fail you on a regular basis.  As our nation faces a financial crisis and the White House and Congress continues to ignore the looming deficit doomsday, we wasted our resources and airtime on sensational case that has absolutely zero impact on your lives.

The time has come for us to admit that we have an addiction to cases involving attractive white women or cute white kids.  We are well aware that African-American and Hispanic children go missing or are killed every day here in the US--but they just don't "look as good on TV"--and focusing on them might hurt our ratings.  Throw in the facts that Casey Anthony has big breasts and a reputation as a good-time-party-girl and you've got ratings gold!!  Did you see the pictures of her dancing with other women while her daughter was missing?  Who wouldn't want to watch that?

Oops.  Sorry, we were getting a little excited there.  Kind of like our talking heads.  We should probably apologize for Nancy Grace and Greta Van Susteren as well.  They built their shows around this case for the last year--and once you get that far in, you have to see it all the way through--whether people care or not.  It probably didn't help that they built up the public hatred for Casey Anthony by calling her a "monster" a "killer" and questioning her every reaction to every statement during the trial. 

And finally, we should probably apologize for providing you such limited information and background on the evidence presented in this trial.  By just focusing on the prosecutions case--playing up the controversial scientific evidence as "rock solid" and downplaying any challenges to it--we made it look like an "open and shut case"--which probably led to your level of disbelief when the jury--who heard all of the testimony and reviewed all of the evidence in person--returned with its verdict.

So once again America, we apologize for playing up this case like it was the most important thing going on in the world.  We hereby promise to get back to the Debt Crisis, our three Wars on Terror and the end of NASA's manned space missions as the main focus of our jounalistic efforts--at least until that Kardashian Sister gets married.

Sincerely yours,

The major network News Departments

Friday, July 1, 2011

Some New Rules

I have a few new rules that need to be adopted as quickly as possible.

NEW RULE:  Anyone talking about the Federal debt issue must give us the amount of money that they propose to save us.  I suggest this rule after watching the President on Wednesday continue to harp on the "tax breaks for corporate jet owners".  I have spent the last couple of days trying to figure out how much more revenue that would bring in--but I cannot find it anywhere on the internet.  Given the fact that the President mentioned it about 12-times in his press conference I can only assume that closing this "loophole" will generate at least a trillion dollars.  Think that might be a bit high?  Well then it has to be at least a couple hundred billion right?  Um, a couple million?  At least Paul Ryan has charts and graphs when he talks about revising Medicare and Medicaid.

(BTW--this might be a good time to point out the "tax break for corporate jet owners" was part of President Obama's Stimulus Package.  It was meant to boost orders for planes like those built and serviced by Gulfstream in Greenville.  Might want to ask the people working there what they think of the "evil, rich people who are soaking the American People by using this tax credit".)

NEW RULE: If you are going to complain about the fireworks displays this year--please add how much you had to pay to enjoy the show.  I have no doubts there will be plenty of people who think the Sawdust Days fireworks display should be on the 4th of July, that it started too late, was too short, was too loud, didn't have enough big shells and didn't have a big enough "grand finale".  As you register your complaint, please keep in mind that without the generosity of companies like Festival Foods, you would have been sitting in a park staring at the dark sky "enjoying" nothing more than the repetitive music coming from the Sabor y Mexico tent.

NEW RULE:  Those blue "classic car" license plates can be issued only to "classic cars".  I propose this rule after seeing the plates on a 1984 Ford Escort, an early '80's Saab and some ugly Chevy station wagon this year.  I realize the only requirement to get the "collector" plate is that the vehicle be 25-years old--but c'mon A FORD ESCORT?!?!?!?!?  You can make the argument that the '57 Bel Air or the '65 Chevelle were the Saabs and Saturns of their day--but look at those cars!!  They have actually styling, and interior room and engines that could produce enough horsepower to cruise on the highway at 12-hundred RPM's.  If I see an Aerostar Minivan with a blue plate soon, I may just veer into the first power pole I see.