My second favorite holiday (4th of July is #1) Super Bowl Sunday is here. And that means its time for some Super Bold Predictions!!
I predict that the 5 hour NBC pregame show will include at least one feature on Steelers safety Troy Polumalu's hair. The pregame interview with Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner will include at least a dozen references to God and Jesus--and at least one mention of how he used to bag groceries in Iowa. Keith Olbermann will say that the Cardinals appearance in the Super Bowl proves that President Barack Obama has brought hope and change to America. Nobody will have any idea who any of the pregame musical acts are. An entire segment will be dedicated to "NFL Insider" Peter King's proof that Brett Favre is not coming back next season. There will be a feature on how each of the African-American players feel about the election of Barack Obama as President. By the end of the 5 hour show, all of America will want to strangle Cris Collinsworth.
I predict that the game will open with a tearful feature on National Anthem singer Jennifer Hudson and how all of her immediate family was murdered last year--before she goes out and lip-synchs the song. Somehow the referee will mis-hear the Steelers call for the coin flip and they will lose the toss. The ref will pull off a mask and reveal himself to be Howie Mandell. Every player in the starting lineup who attended Ohio State will mention they went to THE Ohio State University. The Cardinals will move quickly down the field for the opening touchdown--prompting Al Michaels to exclaim that they have figured out that unbeatable Steelers defense. Kurt Warner will be beaten mercilessly from that point on. Everybody will miss the one-second Miller Beer commercial.
At halftime, I predict Bruce Springsteen will mention--at least twice--how there is so much more hope and change in America since the election of President Barack Obama. The second half will be delayed as the E Street Band wraps up the halftime show with a 14 minute jam session version of "Born to Run". There will be no wardrobe malfunctions.
I foresee a second half where the Steelers defense knocks Kurt Warner out of the game. Al Michaels will exclaim that the Arizona offense just never figured out those blitz packages. Somehow, every cast member of NBC's "Heroes" will have a seat in the stadium and will get on camera. At least half the people at the Super Bowl party will mention how much this year's commercial's suck.
I predict a final score of Pittsburgh 26, Arizona 10. President Barack Obama will contact the lockerroom on his Blackberry telling the Steelers how they are bringing hope and change to America. By this time on Monday, half the people who watched the game won't even remember who won.