Friday, January 30, 2009

Super Predictions

My second favorite holiday (4th of July is #1) Super Bowl Sunday is here. And that means its time for some Super Bold Predictions!!

I predict that the 5 hour NBC pregame show will include at least one feature on Steelers safety Troy Polumalu's hair. The pregame interview with Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner will include at least a dozen references to God and Jesus--and at least one mention of how he used to bag groceries in Iowa. Keith Olbermann will say that the Cardinals appearance in the Super Bowl proves that President Barack Obama has brought hope and change to America. Nobody will have any idea who any of the pregame musical acts are. An entire segment will be dedicated to "NFL Insider" Peter King's proof that Brett Favre is not coming back next season. There will be a feature on how each of the African-American players feel about the election of Barack Obama as President. By the end of the 5 hour show, all of America will want to strangle Cris Collinsworth.

I predict that the game will open with a tearful feature on National Anthem singer Jennifer Hudson and how all of her immediate family was murdered last year--before she goes out and lip-synchs the song. Somehow the referee will mis-hear the Steelers call for the coin flip and they will lose the toss. The ref will pull off a mask and reveal himself to be Howie Mandell. Every player in the starting lineup who attended Ohio State will mention they went to THE Ohio State University. The Cardinals will move quickly down the field for the opening touchdown--prompting Al Michaels to exclaim that they have figured out that unbeatable Steelers defense. Kurt Warner will be beaten mercilessly from that point on. Everybody will miss the one-second Miller Beer commercial.

At halftime, I predict Bruce Springsteen will mention--at least twice--how there is so much more hope and change in America since the election of President Barack Obama. The second half will be delayed as the E Street Band wraps up the halftime show with a 14 minute jam session version of "Born to Run". There will be no wardrobe malfunctions.

I foresee a second half where the Steelers defense knocks Kurt Warner out of the game. Al Michaels will exclaim that the Arizona offense just never figured out those blitz packages. Somehow, every cast member of NBC's "Heroes" will have a seat in the stadium and will get on camera. At least half the people at the Super Bowl party will mention how much this year's commercial's suck.

I predict a final score of Pittsburgh 26, Arizona 10. President Barack Obama will contact the lockerroom on his Blackberry telling the Steelers how they are bringing hope and change to America. By this time on Monday, half the people who watched the game won't even remember who won.

22 comments:

  1. I'm looking forward to seing gooooooood girl in the new Godaddy.com commercial.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Shouldn't Christ's birthday be your favorite holiday Jon?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Buckeye Class of '88February 1, 2009 at 2:59 PM

    FWIW, Jonathan, "The Ohio State University" is the legal name of the place, not just an affectation.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Good gravy, you are a negative, cynical coot, Jonathan. There is little in this world you seem to enjoy. You don't even act like you have much respect or love for your wife. If you did you'd call her "my wife" not "the wife." I'd almost have pity for you, if you weren't so annoying and in love with yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  5. And yet you are here reading his blog. Go figure.

    ReplyDelete
  6. "My Two Cents" is like blood. You don't want to look at it, but your do. You are sucked in by the wonderment of what might be posted here every weekday, under the guise of "journalism."

    ReplyDelete
  7. Did anyone see Teresa Thiel's website and she indicated she is frugal?

    She is frugal when it comes to not wasting money!

    I wonder what her grocery budget is?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Worse yet. That Matt Weidenhoff is friends with Incumbant Spender Wayne Traska.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Some of you people really are childish. Your remarks are completely out of line and uncalled for. But hey, if you can't defend your position, pick on some personal characteristic of your opponent. You have learned the Monte Mantra well.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I've been asking people and I hear that this Thiel was on the school board a few years ago. I also was told that her husband (poor guy) is a teacher or works for the school. How in the heII could she get elected if her spouse was a employee of the district? so she was envolved in discussions on matters of wages and benefits that could have a direct impact on her. even if she didn't vote, it still sounds scummy. glad shes off now.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I see more garbage, insults, and character attacks on Ben Schneider and Michelle Monte from the blog hijackers at the Thiel camp than I have ever read from Monte/Schneider supporters. Your "she did it first" argument is old and wrong on many levels. That woman is obsessed with Monte and needs therapy.

    Get a life!

    ReplyDelete
  12. If you actually follow this whole mess and this nasty, you don't see Schneider engaging in any of this. He doesn't have a blog as does Theil and Monte. Both of them need to stop this childish behavior and work on holding those accountable to solve our problems and work on bridging the divide.
    Don't lump him in.
    This nasty does nothing to improve my children's education.
    We need board members that have the intelligence to discern what is effective and hold those accountable to deliver. This board is too wishy washy and cannot effectively lead.
    I read todays headline regarding Oaklawn and not surprising, this headline as all others regarding the school board depicts more of the same. Tunnel vision.

    Time for a change!

    ReplyDelete
  13. You guys are too funny. Not to mention jaded and dillusional.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Monte acts a good game, but talks, walks, and blogs many different ways. Then she wonders why people don't like her. The answer's right in front of her but she pretends not to see it. We don't need anyone that blind or ignorant on our school board.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Monte acts a good game, but talks, walks, and blogs many different ways. Then she wonders why people don't like her. The answer's right in front of her but she pretends not to see it. We don't need anyone that blind or ignorant on our school board.


    I like the "we don't need anyone that blind or ignorant on our school board" comment.

    How do you describe Tom Mcdermott and Dennis Kavanaugh's school calendar that Wayne TRaska, Amy Weinshime, John Lemberger and Karen Bowen supported? If that is not ignorant, I don't know what is!

    How do you describe our two incumbents up for re-election (Wayne Traska and Dennis Kavanaugh) that have supported this joke of a calendar and support this mega referendum to build a new school in declining enrollment? Ignorant or smart?

    ReplyDelete
  16. I call it forward thinking and proactive rather than negative and reactive.

    ReplyDelete
  17. The supporters of Wayne Traska and Dennis Kavanaugh called them:

    I call it forward thinking and proactive rather than negative and reactive.

    Implementating registration fees is proactive.
    Creating this mega million dollar deficits is PROACTIVE.
    Spending money foolishly in years past, being warned by another board members that fiscal turmoil will come is PROACTIVE.

    There are some living in the dreamworld, and their are others actively working to correct the sins of the dreamers!

    These guys got to go. We cannot afford them any longer!

    BTW; How is the school calendar forward thinking? Is going to school until nearly the 4th of July forward thinking?

    I guess we will not only celebrate the nations independence on that day, we will also celebrate school was just let out too!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Boy, have you gone to Teresa Thiels website? Man, does she make you want to jump out of a 2 story building with her negativity.

    Certainly Jonathan wasn't talking about her when he mentioned 300 plus pound bloggers. She has to go 400.

    A least she blogs and gets some form of exercise.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Teresa only got elected because the third person that ran dropped out in the end. Too bad John Daggett didn't run. We would be better off.

    Tee Heh.

    ReplyDelete
  20. 6:12;
    Guess you have nothing concrete to say nor intelligent to add? I thought not.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Guess you have nothing concrete to say nor intelligent to add? I thought not.

    I would like to add to the above;

    The board has dug this community into a very deep hole despite us peons given them a record amout of dollars. And they want us to bail them out with an unclear mega referendum to fix our schools while they keep cutting maintenance from the budget.

    Concrete enough?

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hardly. Call down to Waukesha and ask Todd Gray about that big "oops" he made in the budget before leaving. That is what forced the board to take the steps they did in cutting the maintenance. If you can't tell the whole story, best to say nothing at all.

    ReplyDelete