Monday, December 23, 2013

The Festivus Airing of Grievances!!

Today is December 23rd, and you know what that means!

To the Sawdust Days Organizing Committee: You now know how much you will likely have to pay for your special events permit from the city next year.  Put that at the top of your budget and set your rates for vendor fees at a level to cover at least that expense.  And then require your vendors to pay UP FRONT--just like any other business in the world does--so that you can pay the fee IN FULL AND ON TIME FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!

To those who continue to believe that you can make a left-hand turn from the right-hand lane in a roundabout: It has now been more than five years since these roundabouts opened in Oshkosh.  Learn the rules of the road for Pete's sake!  And those who continue to gun it in front of those already in the roundabout, I'm sure that the place you are going to in such a hurry is far more important than where I am trying to go safely.

To Snowmobile Owners, Ice Fishermen and Skiers: You had better be spending every single second available on your sleds, your buckets and your skis because you spent all of the recent mild winters complaining about "not being able to get out".  Well now we are having an awful early winter--so you had better be happy--because the rest of us are miserable.

To the guy that stole the Salvation Army Red Kettle in Oshkosh: You sir, are the lowest form of life on the planet.  I may not have given to that red kettle, but taking that one is just like stealing from my donation at Festival Foods.  I sure hope the beer or cigarettes you bought with the stolen cash taste even better knowing that you took a hot meal from a homeless guy or clothes off the back of some kids.

To everyone who likes to flex their "Twitter muscles":  It's easy to be bold in 140-characters on your cellphone from the depths of your mother's basement.  Why don't you get out and try to perform on a sports field, or a stage, or run for office yourself before posting your snarky comments and making your anonymous threats.

To those who say they hate Festivus because "it's a made up holiday":  Really, you want to have a debate about historical accuracy?

Now, as Festivus rolls on, we have come to the feats of strength.  Until you pin me, Festivus is not over!!

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