The Festivus Airing of Grievances

Happy Festivus everyone. As is the time honored tradition established by Frank Costanza many years ago, it is time for the Airing of Grievances!! And as usual, I HAVE A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!

To President Obama: STOP SPENDING ALL OF MY MONEY!! AND MY CHILDREN'S MONEY!! AND MY GRANDCHILDREN'S MONEY!!

To Democrats in Congress: I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!! STOP CREATING BUREAUCRACIES MEANT TO GOVERN EVERY PART OF OUR LIVES FROM THE CRADLE TO THE GRAVE!!

To Governor Doyle: JUST BE A GOOD LAME DUCK AND STOP MAKING PROMISES TO PEOPLE WITH SOCIAL PROGRAMS THAT WE CANNOT AFFORD ANYMORE!!

To Glenn Beck: SPARE US THE THEATRICS AND THE CRYING!! YOU ARE A CLOWN AND YOU ARE MAKING REAL CONSERVATIVES LOOK BAD!!

To CBS: JUST DUMP KATIE COURIC ALREADY AND GIVE US WHAT WE REALLY WANT--JOHN STEWART AND THE DAILY SHOW ON AT 5:30 SO WE DON'T HAVE TO STAY UP SO LATE TO WATCH IT!! YOUR RATINGS WOULD SKYROCKET!!

To ESPN: STOP WITH THE ENDLESS PARADE OF TALKING HEADS, "INSIDERS" AND SELF-PROMOTION AND GO BACK TO HIGHLIGHTS ON SPORTSCENTER!! THERE'S NOTHING I HATE MORE THAN WANTING TO SEE BREWERS' HIGHLIGHTS AND HAVING TO SIT THROUGH FIVE MINUTES OF MEL KIPER'S "DRAFT BOARD" IN THE MIDDLE OF AUGUST!!

To the NFL Network and Time-Warner Cable: STOP ACTING LIKE CHILDREN AND GET THE NFL NETWORK ON OUR CABLE SYSTEM!! IF YOU DON'T DO IT SOON, OUR OVERACTIVE LEGISLATORS ARE GOING TO TRY AND PASS SOME KIND OF LAW REQUIRING YOU TO DO IT SO THE POOR PEOPLE OF WAUSAU DON'T MISS THE PACKERS AGAIN WHEN THEY PLAY IN ONE OF THOSE STUPID THURSDAY NIGHT GAMES!!

To the NCAA and University Presidents: STOP STUFFING YOUR WALLETS AND DUMP THE BCS!! IF YOU DON'T DO IT SOON, OUR OVERACTIVE CONGRESSMEN ARE GOING TO TRY AND PASS SOME KIND OF LAW REQUIRING YOU TO DO IT SO THE UCONN HUSKIES IN SENATOR CHRIS DODD'S DISTRICT WILL HAVE A CHANCE TO WIN A REAL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!

To anyone who bought a "Snuggie": YOU LOOK LIKE IDIOTS!!

To all of the 24-hour News Networks: TELL ME YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON FROM "BALLOON BOY" AND YOU ARE GOING TO STOP TREATING MINOR, LOCAL EVENTS SUCH AS CAR CHASES AND APARTMENT FIRES LIKE SOMETHING THAT REQUIRES WALL-TO-WALL NATIONAL COVERAGE!!

To Balloon Boys parents: I HOPE THAT YOU GET THE MAXIMUM JAIL OR PRISON SENTENCE ALLOWED BY COLORADO LAW IN ORDER TO SERVE AS AN EXAMPLE TO EVERY OTHER MEDIA WHORE WHO BELIEVES THAT LIFE BEGINS AND ENDS BY BEING ON TELEVISION!!

To those who hate on Festivus: ADMIT YOU ARE JEALOUS THAT SOME OF US CAN LET GO OF THE CRASS COMMERCIALISM OF THIS TIME OF YEAR AND ENJOY A HOLIDAY THAT REQUIRES NO DECORATIONS, NO GIFTS, NO COOKIES, NO CARDS, NO SPECIAL SONGS AND NO GOING TO THE MALL. AND WE GET TO RELIEVE THE STRESS OF THE YEAR BY YELLING AT EACH OTHER!!

Now it is time for the FEATS OF STRENGTH. Remember, Festivus isn't over until you pin me to the ground.