Wednesday, May 31, 2017

The American Addict

We have a new poster child for the drug-addled state of America today:

The infamous mugshot of 14-time major champion Tiger Woods has become the perfect symbol for a nation taking so many prescription medications that we can't keep them straight anymore.  At the time of his arrest early Monday morning, Tiger told officers that he was taking four medications.  One was the painkiller Vicodin--commonly known around these parts as the "Brett Favre Drug".  One was Torix--an analgesic, or another painkiller.  He claimed one was Soloxex--which no one has been able to figure out, since it isn't listed as an FDA approved medication.  And Tiger also claimed to be on Vioxx--an anti-inflammatory drug which was banned from use here in the US a couple of years ago because it was causing so many deaths.

When news of the Woods' DUI broke on Monday, social media was filled with posts wondering how Tiger could get hammered and then try to drive home.  I had a feeling that Tiger wasn't drunk, but rather was likely on a cocktail of narcotics--and that the discussion about his arrest was probably going to get very awkward the next day.

So why would I think that Tiger Woods would be a high-functioning drug addict?  Well, here's a guy with a lengthy history of injuries and surgeries.  Multiple procedures on knees and Achilles tendons hobbled him for years--and that was followed by a number of back injuries and surgeries the last couple of years which have rendered him a ghost on the PGA Tour--and have most of us wondering if he will ever tee it up competitively again.  So I'd be willing to bet that Tiger has been a daily pain pill popper for more than a decade.

Unlike the average Joe, Tiger has a medical team that is more than willing to keep him on the "legitimate" narcotics train.  Most people hooked on painkillers have to turn to heroin (and a life of crime to support the habit) when their doctors eventually cut them off.  It wouldn't surprise me if Woods has multiple doctors prescribing him multiple painkillers, anti-inflammatories and
who knows what else that he can rotate in order to keep the pills coming.

We should also mention that according to some of his mistresses, Tiger also uses Ambien to sleep at night.  That first admission was, again, more than a decade ago, but given the circumstance of his arrest--and stories of people on Ambien sleep-walking, sleep-eating, sleep-driving and even sleep-committing-crimes--it's entire possible that he was under the influence of that as well when he got behind the wheel in the middle of the night.

Obviously, Tiger is going to pay his fine and do without his drivers license for the minimum amount of time required by Florida law--and will never allow this matter to go to any kind of trial.  Because if it did, it might open up his medical records to the public, and we might see just how many pills a man once considered one of the greatest athletes in the world was taking on a regular basis.  Just like so many of his fellow Americans.

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