Friday 8-08

The wife and I made the mistake of sitting in our lawn chairs at Waterfest last night. That meant we weren't right in front of the stage--and actually got to see what goes on at the Leach Amphitheater Thursday nights.

I know there have been complaints about the creation of a VIP section for Waterfest (which was not set up last night)--but I think the time has come to create special sections for lots of different people.

Section One--right in front of the stage--would be for the hardcore fans of the bands playing. I'm talking about those who know the words to the "new" songs every group plays--even though they haven't had a hit album in 20-years--and will pay attention to the music all night. I think the artists would like it--as they feed on the energy of people actually paying attention to them on stage and groovin to the music. This section will also have a Leinie Lodge so we can have some real beer to drink.

Section Two--a bit farther back--would be for the bad dancers. The only way these people know how to enjoy the music is to put their bodies in motion. It's badly out of rhythm and looks more like seizures than real dancing--but it's dancing to them. If we put them all together, the only people they will be bumping into will be each other.

Section Three--and probably the largest of all the sections--would be for the "I'm just here to drink beer" crowd. Obviously, this is where we would put the concession stands to save everyone a few steps. Probably a good idea to put the bathrooms in this section as well. Nobody in this section really cares about the band on stage--except for when they encourage everyone to raise their cups and slam the rest of their beer. WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Section Four--the designated talking zone. This is for the people who spend most of the show with their backs to the stage, yelling at each other trying to be heard over the music. If it helps, we could put up a sound barrier to make it easier to understand what your friends are saying.

Finally, Section Five--the cellphone zone. We'll enclose this section in soundproof walls and put a cell antenna on top so everyone can get great reception. Think of the convenience as you can actually hear what the caller is saying without having to cover your other ear and yell into the mouthpiece. We'll even set up a video screen that you can film with your camera phone and make it look like you were right up front.

All of these sections will be surrounded by a running track--for the "I just walk around all night looking for people I know" folks. Think how much more ground you can cover without having to weave between all the rows of people trying to actually watch the show.

As for me and the wife, on the nights we are at the Leach, you'll find us in section one.