Friday, September 11, 2009

Bold Packer Predictions

It's time for everyone's favorite My Two Cents of the year--the one where I make my bold predictions for the upcoming Packers season. Last year, I thought the Packers were going to go 9-7 and make the Playoffs as a wild card. They ended up going 6-10 and not getting a whiff of the postseason. So you have to ask yourself Packers Fan: How optimistic do you want me to be?

The Pack kicks off the season with a Sunday Nighter at home against the Bears. Chicago thinks they have a real quarterback for the first time since Sid Luckman with Jay Cutler. He probably won't have alienated his coaches and fellow players in Week One--but I'm still going with the Packers to take a tough one at Lambeau.

In week Two, the pathetic Cincinnati Bengals come to Green Bay. Chad Ochocinco is promising a record year for receptions and touchdowns--but the Packers secondary shuts him down (and shuts him up) as the Green and Gold move to 2-0.

Green Bay giddiness reaches a crescendo as the Packers travel to Saint Louis in week three to face the even more pathetic Rams. Three and oh for the Pack as fans start booking their Super Bowl hotels.

AND THEN COME WEEK FOUR: ARMAGEDDON WEEK!!!!! AS THE PACKERS FACE THEIR WORST NIGHTMARE: BRETT FAVRE IN A MINNESOTA VIKINGS UNIFORM ON MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL IN THE HUMPTY DUMP!!!!! The real star will turn out to be Adrian Peterson as he gashes the Packers' D for 200-yards rushing and Vikings get the win.

After a bye week, the Packers get back on the winning track, crushing the pathetic Lions at Lambeau to move to 4-1.

Make it 5-1 the next week--as the Packers go on the road to beat the pathetic Cleveland Browns (nice schedule this year Green Bay). Five and one and fan hopes are riding high again.

AND THEN COMES WEEK EIGHT: ARMAGEDDON WEEK TWO!!! AS THE PACKERS FACE THEIR WORST NIGHTMARE: BRETT FAVRE IN A MINNESOTA VIKINGS UNIFORM IN LAMBEAU FIELD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This time, in a poetic turn of justice, the Packers return a Favre interception for a touchdown in overtime to pull out the win--and to draw even with the Vikes for first in the division.

Then comes the trap game. After an emotion win at home over the Minnesota Favre's, the Pack travels to Tampa Bay. Despite the letdown, I think Green Bay guts out a win to move to 7-1.

In week ten the Packers will host America's Team--the Dallas Cowboys. C'mon, you really think I'm going to pick against my Boys?

Aaron Rodgers and company get back on the winning track the next week, beating the pathetic San Francisco 49ers at Lambeau to get to 9-2.

Thanksgiving Day is saved by a comeback win over the pathetic Detroit Lions. Turducken for everyone!!

Despite two interceptions by former Badger Jimmy Leonhard, the Packers beat the Baltimore Ravens at Lambeau to improve to 11-2. Super Bowl talk is all you hear at work and on the radio.

Reality strikes again in Week 14--as the Defending Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers crush the Pack on the road. Super Bowl talk in Green Bay comes to a grinding halt.

Restart that bandwagon as the Packers crush the pathetic Seattle Seahawks in week 16.

The season will wrap up with an easy win over the pathetic Arizona Cardinals in week 17. The Green and Gold finish the regular season at 13-3--but amazingly don't win the NFC Central--finishing a game behind the Minnesota Favres (have you seen their outrageously easy schedule this year?)

That means the Packers will open the playoffs at home in the Wild Card round--edging the Philadelphia Eagles.

AND THEN COMES ARMAGEDDON WEEK THREE, AS THE PACKERS FACE THEIR WORST NIGHTMARE: BRETT FAVRE IN A MINNESOTA VIKINGS UNIFORM IN A PLAYOFF GAME AT THE HUMPTY DUMP. But in yet another ironic twist of fate, a Favre interception is returned for a touchdown in overtime as the Packers advance to the NFC Championship Game AGAINST THE DALLAS COWBOYS IN DALLAS!!!!!!!!!!!

You really think I'm going to pick against Dallas against Green Bay in a playoff game???

Enjoy that Cowboys-Steelers Super Bowl. Just the way it should be.


  1. Sept 26, 2007 post by Jonathan Krause:

    "You know why we are getting roundabouts at every intersection in the future? I saw three people run a red light at Sixth and Oregon last night. The third car--driven by a young lady and filled with young passengers sped up to drive through the intersection a full three seconds after the light changed red. It's idiots like that make roundabouts safer than stop lights."

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