Tuesday, June 25, 2013

I Need To Borrow Some Carbon Credits

In an effort to be as proactive as possible, I'm looking to set up a network where I can pick up a few billion "carbon credits" to use so that I can continue to live a normal life here in America.  President Obama is expected to announce new limits on carbon emissions during his big speech today--and I don't want to get caught unprepared for the hardships that will lie ahead in meeting those arbitrary goals.

First off, I will need all of those people who feel they get enough information to make it through life by reading books and newspapers at the library to send me a few credits so that I can continue to charge my iPhone, run my computer to access the internet and power my big screen TV for the Stanley Cup Playoffs and the golf majors.  I will also need some people that bike or ride the bus everywhere to give me their credits so I can continue to drive to all of the places that are too far away to ride and that don't lie anywhere near bus routes.

If the guys who play disc golf could pass over a few credits so that the "real" golf courses that I play can continue to operate their mowers, that would be great.  I'd also appreciate it if the folks that tie their canoes to the tops of their Priuses and spend a week paddling the Boundary Waters every summer could let me use their carbon allowance so that the wife and I can fly to Florida, Hawaii and Australia.

I'll probably also need the guys who make a living selling hemp products at all the farmers markets around the area to let us use a few of their credits so we can keep the giant antenna on the northside of Oshkosh powered up--allowing me to continue to make my living.  The composters with their "Michele Obama Gardens" in the back yard probably have a few carbon credits to spare so I can get an Iowa Corn Fed Beef steak every once in a while.  And if the people that ferment the "green juice" in their basements could send a few credits over to the Leinenkugel's Brewery in Chippewa Falls so I can continue to enjoy Summer Shandy on a warm July evening that would certainly be appreciated.

So if all of you who take such great pride in "helping to save the planet" could just contact me with a way to pick up your carbon credits I'll start putting together my list.  It will be saved right next to the list of people willing to give up their spot in line ahead of me for rationed health care in the future.

1 comment:

  1. You raise an issue that has always really bugged me. People buy into it to an alarming degree (this is true of many things).
    People like you and me (though we are not the same in behaviors and lifestyles by any stretch I'm sure) bear a ton of "guilt" responsibility for things that are quite laughable. Little people (or small people according to BP) are blamed for so much, and they believe it. For example, some years back I knew a guy who taught his kids to not flush the toilet. This of course is disgusting and unhealthy, but he thought he was being "green". He could have shelled out a not huge amount of money taken from the family entertainment budget (they went out a lot more than us for sure) on a newer low water use toilet, and perhaps a new washer except those are TERRIBLE, especially Whirlpools, Whirlpool Duets drive people INSANE and to early death. But I digress. The guy could have bought a better toilet if he was so worried about it. But the Not Flushing was CONSPICUOUS, and made him feel like he was "making a difference". If you do something without an audience and without applause and "community", it is not really happening.
    Anyhoo. It's crazy to blame average American individuals for stuff when nothing you or I do comes close to the vast amounts of water use or pollution rates of industry. Yet people get the blame, Industry gets a pass. It's a joke. You see stories about limiting your shower length and stuff. Then a High-Cap well moves in down the road. Consider that idiot's toilet flush or your shower in comparison to what's traveling thru those high profit CEO enriching mega-pipes. Are they kidding.
    No of course not. God put that water there to seek The Righteous, to flow to him and him alone. If he fouls that water with searing chemicals and disease, well then that's how a Just Man shows his love for Creation.
    The legalistic collectives known as corporations operate at a law-free level the individual does not. They have unlimited cash to see that laws that pertain to them are repealed (they call them "Burdensome regulations" ) while lawmakers simultaneously INCREASE the laws on individuals. Of course they're a burden - wouldn't we all feel a lot "lighter" if we also did not have to follow laws? Laws are BAD, there should be NONE!
    You watch now - if a law is repealed or lessened it relates to wealthy collectives, if a law is newly applied or strengthened it applies to you, me and your Mom.
    Wealthy powerful people need to sit down and get a long lecture full of Don't from your Angry Elmo.
    So, Obamahahaha. He won't do a thing. He won't place any limitations on BizNiz with their high capacity impacts, he'll blow a lot of wind, tell some kids to ride bikes, Michelle will flex her biceps on The View. Limbaugh will pop some more seams, Chris Matthews will spit into the camera, Rachel will buy a new hoodie (green) Carbon Dioxide rates will sour from all the hot air. Comment strings under articles will seethe with hate and invective Aaaand - it will blow over. Obama has no real concern for "the environment". Nothing will change.
    If I'm wrong, and OBomb-a takes his eyes off his Terror Tuesday Hit List Trading Cards and his Drones For Democracy comic books long enough to enact some kind of impactful environment policy, well kid you can have my credits. I'm a hermit, rarely driving, with energy star everything in my house, very efficient. You can let 'er rip, just toss bacteria and fumes freely around your manicured suburb with impunity. No worries.
    P.S. and FYI - in addition to energy efficient appliances and my possessed-by-the-devil washer, I also have central air. Cuz my husband cares.
    p.p.s. Jake and Peggy are obnoxious loud attention-addicted tiresome people. Enjoy that Shandy