Friday, February 1, 2008

Friday 2-01

All of the Super Hype comes to an end on Sunday--as Super Bowl 42 finally plays out in Arizona. Since everybody likes to make predictions for the big game here are bold guarantees:

Ryan Seacrest will prove that he knows nothing about football while hosting the four and a half hour "Countdown to Kickoff Show"--which will be chock full of other people who have nothing to do with football--and are there only because their agent thought it would be great exposure.

There will be at least two features on Eli Manning growing up with a famous father and far more talented older brother.

Frank Caliendo will imitate John Madden. And Terry Bradshaw...and Charles Barkley...and Jack Nicholson...and Al Pacino......

Fox will spend an entire ten minutes with a "medical expert" explaining the difference between a "high" ankle sprain--suffered by Tom Brady--and a "low" ankle sprain.

There will be countless shots of Giselle Bundjen (Tom Brady's girlfriend) watching the game--and that would not be a bad thing.

There will not be a single commercial we remember beyond Thursday.

Not a single guy watching the game will be able to identify the woman singing the National Anthem.

There will be a commercial break right before the opening kickoff and then another commercial break right after the opening kickoff. I HATE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Giants will get a couple of sacks on Tom Brady in the first quarter--then they won't get a sniff of him the rest of the game.

Randy Moss will make a gesture after a touchdown that will offend everybody.

Tom Petty will keep all of his clothes on during the Halftime Show.

My world-famous Buffalo Wings will kick butt again this year.

We will hear endlessly about how Mike Carey is the first African-American referee in Super Bowl history.

If New England trails at any point in the game, the announcers will break out "The Undefeated Patriots are in serious trouble".

Bill Belichek will wear a ratty old sweatshirt.

Wes Welker will be the MVP.

The Patriots will win. 31-19.

Enjoy the game.


  1. There will be countless shots of Giselle Bundjen (Tom Brady's girlfriend) watching the game--and that would not be a bad thing...

    good enough to shack up with and produce an illigitmate child
    with but not to take to a church to marry. That’s the bad thing.

  2. Hey Jonathan,

    Stick to reporting what has ALREADY happened, instead of trying to predict what is going to happen. You're much better at the former.

  3. No matter what happens to Brady he can go home to Giselle Bundjen. I guess thats a winner in just about any guys book!

  4. Patriots cheaters and classless
    A_ _Holes!!