Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Sorry About That

So Casey Anthony is found "not guilty" of killing her daughter.  Her attorney, of course, comes out after the verdict and tells the media that they owe his client an apology "for trying her in the court of public opinion".  I agree with her attorney that an apology from the media is needed--but it should be issued to the American People--for foisting this story of limited local interest upon us like it was the abduction of the Lindbergh Baby.

To make it easier for my "big brothers" at the national networks, I've already completed the apology letter for them:

Dear Americans,

We here at CNN Headline News, Fox News Channel, MSNBC, ABC and CBS would like to apologize for subjecting you to round-the-clock coverage of the Casey Anthony case.  Try as we might, our editorial judgement continues to fail you on a regular basis.  As our nation faces a financial crisis and the White House and Congress continues to ignore the looming deficit doomsday, we wasted our resources and airtime on sensational case that has absolutely zero impact on your lives.

The time has come for us to admit that we have an addiction to cases involving attractive white women or cute white kids.  We are well aware that African-American and Hispanic children go missing or are killed every day here in the US--but they just don't "look as good on TV"--and focusing on them might hurt our ratings.  Throw in the facts that Casey Anthony has big breasts and a reputation as a good-time-party-girl and you've got ratings gold!!  Did you see the pictures of her dancing with other women while her daughter was missing?  Who wouldn't want to watch that?

Oops.  Sorry, we were getting a little excited there.  Kind of like our talking heads.  We should probably apologize for Nancy Grace and Greta Van Susteren as well.  They built their shows around this case for the last year--and once you get that far in, you have to see it all the way through--whether people care or not.  It probably didn't help that they built up the public hatred for Casey Anthony by calling her a "monster" a "killer" and questioning her every reaction to every statement during the trial. 

And finally, we should probably apologize for providing you such limited information and background on the evidence presented in this trial.  By just focusing on the prosecutions case--playing up the controversial scientific evidence as "rock solid" and downplaying any challenges to it--we made it look like an "open and shut case"--which probably led to your level of disbelief when the jury--who heard all of the testimony and reviewed all of the evidence in person--returned with its verdict.

So once again America, we apologize for playing up this case like it was the most important thing going on in the world.  We hereby promise to get back to the Debt Crisis, our three Wars on Terror and the end of NASA's manned space missions as the main focus of our jounalistic efforts--at least until that Kardashian Sister gets married.

Sincerely yours,

The major network News Departments

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