Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Giving Thanks

Having given thanks already this year to those who have provided me so much, allow me today to express my gratitude (and that of countless thousands of other men) to the folks at Time Warner Cable for adding the NFL RedZone Channel to their sports tier package this fall.  I can unequivocally state that RedZone is the BEST THING ON TELEVISION--IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION!!

When I was working in TV sports in the Twin Cities, our production room featured 16 different monitors, recording 16 different games at one time.  At the time, I thought that was the greatest thing ever--and I got paid to sit there.  Well, RedZone is just like that (except this time I pay for it).

I always thought that RedZone was just for fantasy football geeks--because its claim to fame is that they show every scoring play.  But now that I can watch it, I find out that they show all sorts of plays from every game in action.  And this past Sunday may have been its greatest day ever.

We had three overtime games at once Sunday afternoon--and not only did RedZone show us the all the plays from the scoring drives that tied the games--it showed us EVERY PLAY FROM ALL THREE OVERTIMES!!  We flipped from play to play, game to game.  We had split screens, we had the famous Quad Box showing multiple plays at one time.  And as several of the late games had teams threatening to score, RedZone gave us SIX GAMES ON THE SCREEN AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!

Forget comprehensive health insurance coverage, stealth aircraft, the moon landing, or representative democracy.  Putting up a six pack of NFL games simultaneously is the GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY!!  Do the Chinese do that?  The Socialists in France?  No way, baby.  Only in the USA will you get that!

And did I mention that RedZone is COMMERCIAL FREE?!?!?!?!  You turn it on at Noon and for the next 6 1/2 hours your football enjoyment is NEVER interrupted by a word from our sponsors.  (Just adding to its crack-like addictiveness.)  It also means that when your wife asks you to do something menial--like take out the garbage or bring up the laundry--you can tell her "at the next commercial break, Honey" and get away with never doing it, WITHOUT HAVING TO LIE!!

 So THANK YOU Time Warner Cable and NFL RedZone for bringing us the ONLY way to watch football every Sunday.  Now if we could just get the NHL to do the same thing for the playoffs.......

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