4/21

After spending yesterday listening to ads on some of our own radio stations running commercials brazenly promoting "4/20" sales on drug paraphernalia, and after watching news reports on thousands of people gathering in cities across the country to smoke marijuana in the open, and after seeing thousands of tweets from celebrities and political activists celebrating their pot smoking, I have to wonder: When is Responsible Adults Day?  You know, the day when we all celebrate the shrinking percentage of Americans who abide by the law, get to work every day that we are scheduled to, keep our children out of trouble, and who don't need to get high to "deal with stress", or "take the edge off" or "self-medicate". 

Instead of big rallies in public squares, Responsible Adults Day would be marked in offices and factories across the country with bonuses for those who didn't miss any days because their kids (not them) were sick, who had the highest productivity levels, and who didn't need a supervisor watching over them every minute of the day to make sure they were actually doing what they were supposed to be doing.  Schools could honor parents who made sure their kids made it to class every day, were respectful to teachers and other students, and who made sure homework was done before playing video games, chatting on-line with friends or watching TV.

Businesses could get in on the Responsible Adults Day celebration too.  Car dealerships could offer special pricing for "cash only" purchases on quality used vehicles.  Restaurants could offer entrée specials that are between 500 and 700-calories for affordable prices.  Bars could do 2-for-1 specials with a limit of two drinks--since any more than that and you are risking impairment behind the wheel (although, you probably had a designated driver anyway--and you work tomorrow, so you are getting plastered tonight).

And then I started thinking about when to hold Responsible Adults Day.  April 15th--Tax Day--came to mind first, because what is more responsible than making sure that you are part of the 53% who still pay federal income taxes?  July 20th would also make a good date--since that is the anniversary of the Moon Landing in 1969--accomplished by a lot of people who didn't spend entire days smoking marijuana and who only had non-Common Core-compliant slide rules to do computations and who had about the same amount of computing power to use as it takes us to post a tweet on Twitter on our smartphones today.

But I've decided upon today--April 21st--as the perfect date for Responsible Adults Day--as it will stand in stark juxtaposition with the day before it--4/20--and everything that it is coming to represent.  Besides, it will be very easy to determine who should be celebrating today.  We will be the ones without the red, glassy eyes and who don't smell like we just spent the last five hours battling a brush fire.