Tuesday, December 22, 2015

The Truth Nobody Wants to Admit

Want to start an argument?  The next time someone asks you what your favorite Christmas movie is tell them it's Die Hard.  Invariably, you will get a look of disbelief from the asker of the question and the standard reply "Die Hard isn't a Christmas movie!!"  And while they may feign disgust with your reply, deep down they know the truth: Die Hard is about Christmas as much as pretty much any other "Holiday" movie is.

First off, Die Hard takes place on December 24th--Christmas Eve.  Second, why is Bruce Willis' character--John McClain--at the office tower at the time of the terrorist takeover?  To attend his estranged wife's Christmas party.  Third, what do McClain and the LA cop bond over while talking on the walkie-talkie?  Spending Christmas with the kids.  Fourth, how is Bonnie Bedelia's character blown?  By the TV station airing the interview with her kids asking her to come home for Christmas.  Fifth, what does McClain use to conceal the handgun behind his back before shooting Hans out the window to his death? Santa Clause masking tape.  And finally, what is playing as the credit roll?  Christmas music.

Say hello to a modern Christmas classic, my friends.

My wife watches the Hallmark and Lifetime movie channels almost non-stop at this time of year--which means I catch my fair share of these horrible films with repeating plot lines and in many cases--the same handful of actors--over and over again.  And the only difference between those and the movies usually shown on those channels is that all of the action (or lack there of) takes place at the end of December--just like Die Hard.

And a common plot device of those movies is stolen from Die Hard 2--in which airports across the country are closed by a major snow storm.  In the "holiday movies" this allows the two main character to find the other is their true love and not the lame boyfriend or girlfriend they can't get to by plane.  In Die Hard 2 it provided cover for the terrorist to flee the country--until John McClain blows up their plane--providing guidance to all of the planes about to fall out of the sky due to fuel starvation (including his wife's).

So forget It's a Wonderful Life, or Holiday Inn or Santa Claus vs The Martians this year.  Pop Die Hard into the bluray player and let the family enjoy some real action for Christmas.  There's even a happy ending.

Yippee ki yay mother.............

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