I always thought that it would be high taxes or brutal winters or a chance to work for the Golf Channel that would lead me to move out of Wisconsin. But there is a new threat to my Badger State residency today--rumors that the Green Bay Packers are interested in trading for Tim Tebow.
There is no way that I would be able to handle the media, social media and just general conversation explosion that would result from the most-over-rated player in the NFL coming to the team with the most overly-obsessed fan base. I mean, I am rooting for the strange rumblings in Clintonville to continue, just so the top story doesn't have to be Donald Driver's performance on "Dancing With the Stars"--or the record local ratings Donald Driver got for "Dancing With the Stars"--or if a long run on "Dancing With the Stars" might keep Donald Driver from attending off-season mini-camp in May.
Now you want to introduce TebowMania into that mix as well? With the "Tebow is improving his footwork and mechanics" stories--and the "Tebow just wants to help the team in any way he can" stories--and eventually the "When will Mike McCarthy let Tim Tebow play?" stories. Not to mention the calls to the sports talk shows after a Packers loss: "Yeah, this is Gordy in Oshkosh, do you think the Packers would be better off using Tim Tebow as a third down specialist where he could create confusion for the defense by either running or passing? I'll hang up and listen, thanks."
They would probably have to open up a whole new wing on the Packers Pro Shop just to sell Tebow-related merchandise. (Of course, the Annointed One will have to get a new jersey number--I don't think the team is taking Bart Starr's old 15 off the Ring of Honor to give to a guy with a sub 50% career completion percentage.) I'm guessing demand would be strong for Tebow jerseys, Tebow caps, Tebow T-shirts and new Tim Tebow/Vince Lombardi Bible holders. Oh, if you are getting a little tired of the "Discount Double Check" move and Aaron Rodgers in a bunch of commercials--just wait until every business is Wisconsin wants "Tebowing" in their ads.
And this trade makes absolutely no sense from a football standpoint! The Packers offense is predicated on the quarterback making several reads quickly--and delivering a pass to the right receiver at just the right moment. Not exactly the type of skills Tim Tebow has shown in his brief stint as an NFL QB. With Jermichael Finley and Tim Crabtree in the fold, there's no need to shift him to tight end. And John Kuhn is a cult hero in Green Bay--so Tebow won't be converted to fullback. Where is he going to play? Linebacker?
Yet, sources confirm Ted Thompson is interseted in Tim Tebow. All I know is that if the trade happens, the minute the contract is signed, the "For Sale" sign is going in the front yard. It's a necessary step just to preserve my sanity.