Friday, July 11, 2014

Dear Mr Tern Chick Killer

I would like to address the person--or persons--responsible for the slaughter of 25 common tern chicks in a colony on an island on Lake Butte des Morts last weekend:

You Sir (or Sirs) are the lowest form of human life on the planet.

I know why you did it.  I've heard from more than a few so-called "sportsmen" who hate the return of aquatic birds like terns and cormorants and pelicans to the Lake Winnebago system.  You don't see the re-establishment of colonies in our area as a sign that the health of the lakes has greatly improved over the past couple of decades.  Instead, you meatheads believe that the birds are going to eat all of the fish.  And you can't stand the thought of having to "compete" against a couple hundred birds.  You swear you can hear them laughing at you as they fly off with full bellies and you sit with an empty live well on the fishing boat you probably took out a second mortgage on your house to purchase.  So you go out and destroy their nests and stomp and throw rocks on their chicks.  It's your way of "preserving the natural balance".

You would love to tell your fishing buddies about the blow you have struck for "preserving the entire Lake Winnebago system fishery"--but now you can't.  The DNR found out about what you have done and they, in turn, have informed us in the media about your brutal actions.  And while you may get some silent support from the few fishermen who believe that only they are entitled to take any fish out of the lakes, public backlash against you will be swift and it ugly.  Especially when the TV folks use pictures of what couple-weeks-old tern chicks look like:

We Americans may not care about 84-people getting shot in inner city Chicago over the 4th of July weekend (despite some of the strictest local gun control laws in the country)--but we do tend to get worked up over the mistreatment of any cute animals.

And the odds are you will get caught.  You may have already spouted off to someone about what you did.  And that person may have told someone else--who told someone else who isn't very good at keeping secrets--or who is as disgusted by what they hear as the rest of us are--and decides to call the anonymous DNR hotline at 1-800-TIP-WDNR.  Or maybe someone will remember seeing your boat out by that island or your truck parked at the boat landing at an odd hour last weekend--and they will share what they remember with law enforcement.

And once you are caught, prosecuted and convicted, your punishment will likely include the loss of your "privilege" to fish the very waters that you sought to "protect:" for a good amount of time.  It's kind of ironic isn't it?  That should give you more time to think about the crushed little fuzzy bodies that you left out on that island.

Oh and by the way, your actions are just one step away from bringing vagrants to your home, killing them, having sex with their corpses and then eating them.

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