You Don't Want To Come Here

As America grapples with how to stop the near-steady stream of unaccompanied illegal immigrant children along our southern border, let me suggest a very simple solution that will not only stem the tide but likely lead the parents shipping their children off to our country to come up here and gladly take them back: Tell them how "horrible" it is living in the United States of America.  And to do that, we should use the words of liberal lawmakers and political activists.

Translate into Spanish President Obama's myriad speeches about how anyone living in poverty today has absolutely no hope of ever reaching the middle class no matter what they do in life (except vote for people who will expand government programs that incentivize poverty).  Publish in papers throughout Central America Paul Krugman's numerous charts and graphs comparing the "failures" of free enterprise economic systems with the "major successes" of government-subsidized socialist systems.

Every culture has its version of the "Boogeyman"--so we should present Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's speeches about the Koch Brothers and how they want to take every penny that every other American has in order to scare those looking to sneak into our country.  Show them footage of the impoverished families here telling their stories about how they can barely make ends meet to TV reporters while sitting in front of their hi-def TV's and while their IPhones ring in the background.

Make sure these immigrant families know that there is no hope for their children in our public schools either.  We can provide you with tapes for translation of Oshkosh School Superintendent Stan Mack saying those students of color will struggle to learn anything because the vast majority of our teachers are white--and won't understand their "struggle".  Or you can show them WEAC protesters claiming that they have low morale because they now have to pay 18-percent of their health insurance premiums and a quarter of their retirement funding.

Parents of daughters trying to sneak across the border should be made to watch Sandra Fluke's "powerful" testimony before Congress about her struggle to pay for birth control while attending a college that charges 40-thousand dollars a year for tuition.  The desperate families in Central America should be also warned that the girls they send to us could end up working for Christian companies that won't pay for the Morning After Pill.

Those starving for enough to eat should be warned by First Lady Michelle Obama that anything they buy in the American grocery store is bad for them and that they should instead wait until fall when they can get wholesome, nutritious, non-genetically-altered, organic vegetables and far-more expensive humanely-raised meat products at the local co-op or Saturday Farmers Market.  And, of course, Central American media outlets should be innundated with press releases about how US air is too dirty to breath, the water is too polluted to drink and that fracking threatens to cause the entire continent to collapse upon itself.

When presented with the liberal view of the United States, we can pretty much guarantee that nobody will want to come here--legally or illegally--ever again.