LandLubber for Life

There has been plenty of news about boats lately--most of it helping to reinforce my decision to never own a boat. 

A "Boat Guy" I know always joked that the happiest day of an owners life in the day he buys a boat--and the second happiest is the day he sells the boat.  Between those days are the months of paying to store your boat, paying more for non-ethanol fuel for the boat, paying to tune up the boat, paying to dock the boat, fighting to get the boat in and out of the water at boat launches, burning extra gas to tow the boat around, repairing the boat after hitting something under the water, insuring the boat, cleaning the boat, making sure the boat is tied up properly to the dock and looking at the boat tied up to the dock when it's too cold, too windy or too rainy (or it might become too rainy, windy or cold) to take the boat out.

And then you have situations like last weekend when the Menasha Lock broke--stranding people on the other side of it.  Imagine going out for a ride in the car--and then every possible route back to your house was closed off and you were stranded--with no other form of transportation available.  Then to add insult to injury, you had to pay to park your car in some other person's garage until they fixed whatever problem that was blocking every available route back home.  Or you had to come pick up your car with another vehicle and tow it to someplace where you could actually drive it back to where it belongs.

And then you have the incident on Lake Winneconne yesterday, where a boat is found circling unattended.  I know I've never fallen out of my Jeep--even when the top and the doors have been off.  And when a boat breaks down on the water, it's a news story--because law enforcement has to be called out to "save" the people on board (usually because the craft is taking on water or is being pushed farther and farther from shore or is being swept downstream toward a dam).  When my Jeep breaks down, I call AAA instead of 911--and it usually doesn't require a search party to find me.

Conduct a little experiment that I always like to do--ask "Boat Guys" how much they got out on the boat at the end of every summer.  Without fail, their answer will be "Not enough" or "Hardly at all".  At least half the time that will be followed with "We're thinking about maybe getting rid of it this winter".  NEVER has the answer been "Oh man, we were on the boat too much this year" or "We're thinking about getting a second boat because it's so much fun!"

In the meantime, you'll find me just sitting on the dock getting some sun and drinking a beer.  That's about all the "water sports" I need.