This year I will be celebrating Halloween--Liberal style.
This afternoon I will don my black suit and put on my power tie for the most evil, ghoulish costume you can imagine...a Corporate CEO!!!!
Instead of making children go door-to-door to get their candy, I will go to their houses--so they don't have to work so hard for their handout.
I will be giving out Payday and $100-grand bars--since that seems to be what the new generation thinks it "deserves" nowadays. (Although Slo-Pokes and Goobers would be far more fitting).
I will not be offended when the kids don't say "Thank you" and instead respond with "Is that all I get?"
I will not expect any candy in return for my kids (OK I don't have any)--since they are the children of privilege and have been getting candy their whole lives.
I will feel shame as the children march en masse to camp out at the local park to protest me not giving them "their fair share of candy".
I will apolgize to the children's parents for my irresponsibility in giving them so much candy that when they ate it all in one sitting they got a stomache ache and threw up. I will then head back to their houses to give them more candy to make up for what ended up on the living room carpet.
I will pay the dentist bills for all the kids who got cavities because I failed to warn them and their parents that sugar causes tooth decay and that they should have brushed their teeth after eating it.
I will curse the evil candy companies as they report record October sales and increased profits.
Come to think of it--this is going to be the scariest Halloween ever!!